How I decided…
In Filipino culture, no matter where you are in the world, “moving out” is not a thing our parents would pressure us about. Most of us would just stay with our families until we get married or for some people, they would stay with their families even after getting married because that would be the “practical” decision.
If you watch @GaryVee (Gary Vaynerchuk… and I recommend that you do keep tabs on him on Instagram), he is a business tycoon who encourages you to stay with your parents as long as possible so you can allocate your resources into building the life of your dreams. This was my mindset then, I would only move out when I’ve saved enough capital to start a business. The difference is, I had already started my 1st business then, I was in law school and I was also holding down an 8-5 job. I was 23 and the concept of doing that just never crossed my mind until I realized it no longer made sense for me to live with my parents. This realization was mostly because of this incident that happened…
It was one of those nights, where I had a really long day at work and school. I’ve always been a restless soul, so my concept of decompression is sitting at a bar somewhere drinking and talking to people. I ended up coming home really late only to find my dad was still up waiting for me. It was 2am and I know he wakes up at 5am to go to work. He just stared at me, walked up and went back to his room. I was a bit tipsy but I remember very well how guilty that made me feel.
This was not the first incident, this has happened so many times where my parents can’t wrap their head around the fact that I can take care of myself. They say it’s a “parental instinct” where they just can’t sleep when all of their kids are not at home.
The next day, I put a lot of thought about it and weighed the pros and cons of moving out.
PROS…
- Guilt-free Freedom. That incident only made me realize that I was at a point in my life where I needed to make my own mistakes and live my own life. It was hard to do that with a curfew and someone waiting for you in the middle of the night. (Not that I blame my dad, I know he was doing it in a position of love but I also could not do that to my parents over and over. I could not stand having them worry.) If I moved out, I could do whatever I pleased, as every adult with a stable income should.
- Privacy. It was also hard to date when you’re still living with your parents. I’m very particular with who I introduce to them, so I never brought anyone home. I would end up staying at my partner’s place which is not a good routine especially if you’re trying to be at work at 8am. Also, the limitations of what you can do when other people are around. I’m an extrovert but I believe that we all need to be alone every now and then. It’s healthy. The thought of having my own space appealed to me.
- Being able to choose the location of my home. Back then I was living 8kms away from work and in Cebu traffic translation, that meant I had to travel as early as 6:30am to avoid traffic because if traffic caught up with me, this supposed 30-minute drive would take me 2hours to get to work.
- Growth. I’ve always been very independent to the point that I started working at 18 (which is another, unusual thing for a middle income Filipino family, you work after you graduate) because I wanted to have my own money and if you’ve read my previous blog, I also did that so I could afford a gym membership. Living alone is a whole new level of independence, you now have rent and bills to pay, a space to keep clean and maintain, you now have to think about what you’re going to cook 3x a day, you have to make sure the toilet isn’t clogged and other tasking things you never thought your mom and dad were doing for you. Sounds a bit crazy right? This should be on the “Cons” section but I wanted that, I wanted the freedom and growth of having my own space and working with it.
CONS…
I’ve listed the “CONS” as questions to accommodate those who are thinking about moving out.
- Bills. Can I afford it? If I decided to move out will I be able to afford being month to month rent, electricity, water and internet bills and maintenance bills for my home?
- Time. Since I will be taking care of myself, will I be able to cook 3x a day and maintain cleaning up my home?
- Telling my parents. Will my parents understand or will they stop me? I placed this in the “CONs” section because I know that this is one of the tough things you will be doing when you decide to move out. Our parent’s generation will have a hard time understanding. Personally, this was not a question for me. I think if you are over the age of 20 and you have something going on for you, “permission” though common in Filipino culture, should not be an issue. You start doing it by developing the practice of “informing” rather than asking for permission. Just walk them through why it make sense, I had to sit my parents down and talk about it. I’m not sure if they understood but I made the decision, regardless.
How I decided on a home…
So I finally decided I was moving out, now the next bit was deciding where to to live. Here are things I considered when I picked a home.
- My financial capacity. The cardinal rule in everything relating to your personal finances is never to spend beyond your means because this will cause you a lot of trouble in the long run. I think it’s healthy to allocated about 20%-30% of your net income for rent. Find a place that fits your budget and don’t over-stretch yourself. You really don’t have to be fancy at the beginning but you can work your way on that.
- Proximity. I chose a place nearer to where I was working, it’s practical and it saves you time in traveling to and from work. I believe time is valuable and we only have so much of it, so at any case I would find time to avoid being stuck in the commute or drive to work.
- Checking your Lease Contract (if you’re renting). Always read your Lease Contract, give it a little thought before signing anything, check when it ends and how much deposits you’re paying for before being able to move in. Normally landlords do, 2 months advance and 2 months deposit. Do not be shy to negotiate you rent price. Ask what are the issues previous tenants have had with the place. Ask about building maintenance, how often they clean the place, where can you do your laundry, if there is parking. It helps to have a list of things to ask before diving in.
- Check other places before deciding. You can’t really say something is “the one” without having anything to compare it with. At minimum, I looked at 5 places before deciding where to settle. How did I look for a place? Easy, just search online, there are tons of rent sites that lets you filter by location or by budget. You can also ask a local property management to connect you with a space.
I hope this simple article will help you on deciding your living arrangements. If you have any questions, feel free to comment here or send me an email at [email protected]. I’d be happy to answer questions and to know your thoughts. Thanks for reading!