I’m Still Disturbed

**I wrote this when I was still living in Panglao and living with my former partner**

Moving to Bohol was quite an experience for me. Mostly because I’ve been a city girl since I was 16 – I moved to Cebu City to attend college, law school and eventually ended up working here. Every now and then, I would visit Panglao, Bohol for a weekend or two and have always dreamt of doing it more.

When the pandemic hit, I spent 4 months locked up in my 26sqm. condo, without seeing or speaking to anyone in person. It was so bad, that the 1st week of Mayor Labella declaring ECQ lead to an ultimate mental meltdown for me, where I ignored all my friends and basically shut myself off from everyone. I’m highly extroverted and I thrive on being around people, so that was not a surprise.

When the opportunity presented itself for us to go back to Bohol, I took the chance and did everything within my power to make it happen. We ended up being the first people to travel back to Bohol, the first LSIs, how I managed to make that happen is a different story. Arriving there was exhilarating, I went from being locked up in my condo to being able to go to the beach in 5 minutes.

Our first few months were a bliss, we met so many interesting people and loved the fact that the food was amazing and the beach was accessible whenever, but eventually, the thing that made me who I am caught up with me. I always think that the fire in my belly is in the form of this powerful fire breathing dragon that is relentless and restless.

So I did what I do best to feed the dragon, I started a real estate business and tried to make it work. I had managed one on the side for the past 4 years and thought it made sense to do it. Part and parcel of being a business owner is putting yourself out there and doing what you can to make it work.

Sadly, we had to stop because what we had started wasn’t going to work at this economical climate. So, I packed my bags and decided to move back.

On my last few weeks of living in Panglao, I found a slight increase in rentals. I thought it was crazy with only 2 weeks left before “moving day” but I did it anyways. I posted and did trial and errors and instead of using our business account, I used my personal account.

After having experienced months of client mismatches and endless inquiries without conversions, I finally had a good week where clients were coming to me. It was crazy how it was at the last 2 weeks of our stay in Panglao, part of me actually wanted to stay and focus on rentals.

I ended up having over 20 inquiries and tenants that were a house match away from a sales conversion but that also came with its own downsides.

I found myself getting messages of people trying to hit on me and for someone who has built so much on her credentials behind her – I was surprised at the audacity on some of the messages.

It was this message that fortified my abrupt departure from Panglao. I needed liberation and intellect – I was not a small town woman (not that Cebu City is big, we’ll get to how I feel about this place in the next blog 😉 )

I felt objectified and disrespected – one particular message stood out for me:

My approach was professional and I had introduced myself properly, I would assume the same type of respect in return BUT you learn the hard way to fully grasp that there will be several people in this life that will leave you VERY DISTURBED. 

I understand that maybe in his mind he was trying to give me a compliment but I do want to point out why this was very disturbing to a woman like me. Let me dissect his statements:

1. “So funny as hot as you are, why the hell are you working at all”

WHY THE HELL NOT? Does being hot entitle me to millions? NOPE. Do I want millions when I retire? ABSOLUTELY. Do I want someone to hand it to me? FUCK NO.

To someone whose as ambitious as me, I can tell you that no amount of money can buy my attention. I’ve always been very independent. Despite dating mostly foreigners all my life and with the common misconception that just because you’re dating foreign means you’re being spent for, I HAVE ALWAYS SPLIT THE BILL 50/50 – on every date, on bills, on groceries, on everything!

I do not believe in men having to carry all the weight because I know we all have the capacity to be anything. My parents did not send me to one of the best school in country to settle for handouts. I am not trying to get my JD to become a doormat. I work very hard for everything that I have.

2. “Thousands of foreigners here why work? Or is your foreigner boyfriend cheap?” 

I did not know having a foreign partner meant I am to lounge all day or that if I am not lounging all day that means he’s cheap? What a great example of a “non sequitur fallacy” LOL so many foreigners come into this country to find happiness, a younger partner perhaps or because the cost of living is cheap – not that there is anything wrong with that but I wish you would stop generalising Filipinas as dumb and dependent.

We are not all the same. Here, I hear so many negative things about my people but where I come from I’m surrounded by amazing, smart and ambitious Filipinas who would not even give you the time of day. 

3. “No way you should be working, have a maid cook clean” 

We have a housekeeper that comes every week. My partner and I help each other with household chores. Do I mind cooking? Nope, it’s one of my hobbies. I grew up with a mother who owned a restaurant and a sister whose a chef by profession.

Do I need to cook all the time? NOPE. Do I mind cleaning? Also, nope, it’s honestly the only thing I do that does not require me to think – which is therapeutic at times. 

4. “Get your nails done, go shopping”

I do get my nails done. I don’t go shopping so much although I can but I hate it, it’s an absolute waste of time to me but I do it once in a while with or without a man and judging by your monthly rental budget I can definitely tell you that you cannot afford the perfume I wear on a daily basis, let alone my monthly acrylic gel nail habits. 

5. “That’s what all my -ex girlfriend did”

– No wonder they’re all exes 😂

If you’re a Filipina reading this, if you can, please carve your own path, demand respect, be your own person, aspire for financial and intellectual independence because we have so many people to prove wrong – starting with this one.

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